On Simplicity

I'm constantly trying to simplify my life. I then get caught up in the complications of figuring out the path to take in order to reach simplicity.  I haven't found an effective way to get there yet.

This is what I know.

1. Jesus is simple

2. Nothing else is

3. I should do what Jesus does as the path to the simplicity of God

I'm increasingly realizing that simple is not a synonym for easy.

Simple as that.

On Nonexistant Universities

I am now in that weird time of modern life in which choosing what path to take after high school becomes important. It follows that I should probably have several colleges that match my post-secondary education goals. After all, there are about 4,000 accredited colleges in this nation.

I've always been told that a few schools will fit next to perfectly with anyone's desires.

I've also figured out that the above statement is wrong.

So here is my college wishlist, apparently a delusion of grandeur after extensive research:

1) Holy Spirit driven, Jesus exalting, and going after the Glory of God like there's no tomorrow

•     By this I mean more than a required chapel twice a week, a campus with faith undertones, and a strict moral policy. Also, not afraid of healing, the baptism of the Spirit, oh, and dancing.

2) Liberal Arts

• I want the higher thinking level of Reed College. I would like openness to the hard questions and seeming contradictions - people who will work through issues and pray about them with you, not just explain them away.

3) A 24/7 Prayer Room

4) A Cookie Baking Club

5) Allows Dreadlocks and Tattoos

6) A Variety of Coffee Options

7) Poetry Nights

8) Inner City Ministry


I mean, I don't think it's a terribly unfulfillable list. No one has met the standard though, yet.

Let me know if you solve this conundrum.

*As a side note, Oral Roberts University is the closest thing I have found so far and I do like some of the things they have going on around campus and the city of Tulsa, so we will see.

On Messy Rooms

My bedroom is the greatest representation of the state of my life.

No, seriously. It seems to me like I am constantly trying to pick it up, only to have it accumulate more clutter. It's a rollercoaster of clean up, neglect, clean up, neglect, and never getting it quite to the point of perfection I want it at.

I consider this everytime I clean my room, because, well, I only approach the beast when I feel like every other thing in my life is back in the order it should be. This is the same way I've lived out my life for several months now, a rhythm of switching between going after God with everything and forgetting my troubles then returning to a few days of blatang frustration, religiosity, and general unbelief.

But I want to be faithful.

It's like I'm constantly trying to change a hoarder's space into the White House guest bedroom in one easy step. Trying to go from broken to righteous in one day's time. I tried to skip the steps.

So I'm going back. I'm starting from the beginning. I'm going to seek and let the harmful things get weeded out of my heart.

I cleaned my room completely today. It took seven hours - much longer than I desired.

But it was worth it.

On Hanging Up

New habit forming: hanging up phone at most climactic part of conversation. No, I don't just suddenly press the red button in a fit of anger. I (for the most part) politely bow out at the point in the call that people are expecting a deep divulgence about how I feel about things. Let me just say, this is shortening my conversations significantly.

I went to a camp this past summer where the main focus of teaching was unity. We were told to fight against isolation with all we are worth. It's when we get isolated that our minds get attacked.

Right now I know that I should be fighting harder than ever. But it's really not happening. Everything in me feels like running from everything for just a little while. But I've tied myself to things and people and a God that I cannot run from.

So maybe the whole phone ordeal is more that than anything else. I mean, that's what I've been getting at this entire time. Simple symbolism, right? Hanging up phone equals not wanting to talk about my perception of life with others.

Conversations get eerily quiet without vulnerability, even when there are actual words coming out of your mouth.

The Reason for This Whole Thing

Lately I find myself growing more and more aware of the way my soul reacts to the things around me. I'm not enjoying what I see. I hear a "curse" word here. I see addictions. I pay attention to people I classify into my broadly defined category of "Lukewarm Christian." I am noticing my quick and concealed judgement that comes so swiftly to my heart and how I try so hard to repel it. Simultaneously, no matter how hard I try to stifle it, I notice my anger and offense at those who are being romanced by the real Jesus and who are truly learning to live genuine lives of  love. I do not know where this all began - if this has always been my state or if I've grown into it. It doesn't matter I suppose. All I know is that I want to break out of the remnant of the white-washed tomb that's left in me.

So, here's the thing. I don't do blogs. I'm that personality type that isn't very skillful at sticking with long-term goals. But here I am. I will write my heart, honestly and openly. It may get deep, messy, broken, liberal, artsy, or just plain weird. But all these things need to be sorted through, just like the hearts of every other human on this little planet we live in. I only hope that you will read this and play connect the dots with me as I dive into things that can't really be known entirely. Or even close to entirely. Just hang on with me for a few seconds.

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”
― Donald Miller